weirdo me

I had an entirely different post in my head earlier this evening, but I got a call from a friend and now I’m in a different mood.

I was supposed to go out tonight with N. I left work on time for a change, rushed home to get my brows waxed, washed my hair, and even got in a nap. Around 9:30, I called N. and she was in route to the event and was meeting D. at 10. At which point I realized, hmm, she’s on her way and didn’t call to see if I was still coming and she had someone to meet, so I can stay home. I was only going so she’d have someone to go with, and since she was already there without me, I said, why go? Add in the fact that I didn’t want to go and I did what was good for me – stayed home.

I didn’t want to go because the event isn’t fun. All the women go dressed up wanting to meet a man. All the men are old, losers who prance around like peacocks because they know we don’t have any other options. I just wasn’t feeling optimistic. Granted, I always meet a man at these things, but they all end up being losers and I’m tired of that scene.

I sent a text to another friend and she was out on a date at a movie. That just kind of reinforced that feeling of what the heck is my life like that I’m at home with the option of going to an old folks party or watching t.v. Sure, I actually wanted to be at home, but it’s just the feeling that I am not doing this right to be single, 34 and alone.

So then T. calls. We met in a chat group and have had convos on that led to this first phone call. He’s not a prospect since he lives on the east coast and I live in Texas, but it was nice to interact with a guy and make a new connection with someone. I guess it’s like another chance to get it right. We talked for about an hour and it was cool. It was hard to hear since he was driving, lol, but good conversation. I’m always left with the thought of what impression do I make? And how it must not be great since I’m single and alone.

Anyway, that was the process of my night that led me originally to post about how I’m still not getting it right, but that I feel like I know the things I need to work on to have any hope of seeing a change.

These hours later, I’m left with that same thought, but feeling good I chose to stay in and enjoy a good phone call instead of hanging out with pseudo-friends at an event that wasn’t one I wanted to attend.

So tomorrow I’m hanging out with N. and male D. and I will continue to try to get it right. One day I’ll make a good friend, a best friend; one day I’ll find love. Until then, I live my life the way that makes me happy. I guess then, the friend and the love will find a place that is real with me.

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2 Comments on “weirdo me”

  1. Otto Mann Says:

    I like your blog. πŸ™‚

  2. TwentyTwo Says:

    Thank you πŸ™‚

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