Archive for March 2009

back to truth

March 29, 2009

I’m so glad for this post.  It is a post I go back to at least monthly to remind myself of where I want to go this year and beyond.  It’s so helpful.

Today I had another realization.  I’m starting to understand the reason I never seem to make progress may be because I never focus on one thing at a time.  I’m always trying to do all of it at the same time.  Tonight I worked on just one thing – cleaning my kitchen, along with making a list of what I couldn’t accomplish tonight and surprise – I completed the task and have a sense of what I can take on next time I’m free.

So, progress point for me.  The challenge is that I’m so far behind on everything in my life, I just feel concerned that I’ll never catch up doing one thing at once. 😦  I’m just so tired of needing help and 1) not finding it and 2) not making progress on my own. 😦

*sigh*

I’ve been planning to hire some help, but you know how that goes, you want to get some of your foolishness and mayhem (as Niecy Nash would say) under control before you bring in another person.  *big sigh*  And by the time I do that, I won’t need help, because despite my messes, I am a great cleaner and organizer.

What to do, what to do.  I guess one day at a time.  Tomorrow I’m going to my doctor’s appointment to have a needle poked in my neck (alone) – a fine needle aspiration – to check the nodules on my thyroid, then I’m going to Central Market to pick up a few meals, and finally I’m going to get an oil change and to read work stuff while I wait.  When I’m done I plan on taking a nice walk through my neighborhood.  No time to catch up, just time to keep afloat.

*triple sigh*

list of things to do

March 26, 2009

What do I need to accomplish?

  1. Clean kitchen
  2. Taxes
  3. Vaccum
  4. Dr’s appointment
  5. Laundry
  6. Pedicure/Brows/Manicure
  7. Bedroom
  8. Start clearing closet
  9. Clean guest room sink
  10. Wash hair
  11. Crate
  12. Paint kitchen
  13. Paint living room
  14. Office
  15. Pick room to complete (kitchen)

making progress

March 25, 2009

I’ve discovered Central Market’s cafe.  Lots of delicious, fresh meal options perfect for me to take for lunch.  I will be doing my best to purchase my lunch and dinner meals through the cafe.  Hopefully that will help me with my diet and portion control.

In other news, FB2 is great.  We’ve moved into month 3 and we still check in daily and have great long phone calls at least once or twice a week.  Last night was especially nice because the subject was very personal.  I have to admit that I’m starting to have feelings for him, a little more than just a curiousity.  It’s hard to hold out for him to express things first.  Thankfully the 3 month rule is keeping me from opening my mouth, lol.

I also question the logic in having feelings for someone I’ve only talked to on the phone.  In some ways it’s a deeper exploration of feelings and thoughts than most people have in person; but it continues to beg the question of do we have the same attraction in person.

What I do know is that he is special and he makes me feel special too.

he says

March 24, 2009

He says that he looks forward to talking to me just to hear my laugh and because he always learns something new about me every time we talk.

let’s try this again

March 21, 2009

Back to my goal of being smaller at every event I go to this year.  Let’s try for my big April event. (last check in from December 20, 2008, it definitely highlights how I need to work harder than I have been and how walking is helping.  Just got to do it all 100%.  It’s also funny how you think no progress is being made, but inches are being lost.  Gotta ramp it up!)

Weight: 218.5 (up .5 lbs)

Chest: 38 (bra measurement)

Upper Waist: 39 in. (down 3 in.)

Waist: 39 in. (down 1.5 inches)

Lower Waist: 43.5 in. (down .5 inches)

Hips: 46  in. (down .5 inches)

Thighs: 28.5 in. (down .5 inches)

Calf: 16 in. (down .5 inches)

Bicep: 15 in.

brain fog

March 20, 2009

I have so much on my mind that it seemed like a good time to blog to sort it all out.

First, the paint job.  My Dad and I painted my living room and kitchen yesterday.  Yes, 12 hours of painting.  My body is a wreck.  My system can’t handle extremes so towards the end of the day, I felt nausea, had a migraine, and just was exhausted.  My Dad, however, was in project mode and for the rest of the next day held us all hostage as he frittered around every detail to finish the job.  I appreciate it, but this focus is alienating, especially when I don’t get that kind of focus around things that are really important like my health.

Then there is the paint.  I have never painted before.  I’ve never picked a paint.  After weeks of stressing to the point of almost feeling sick, I just picked two colors…and they are beautiful colors, but not what I want.  *sigh*  The bright side is that I now know how to paint to perfection and after getting color on my starck white walls, I am excited about doing it again.  My next three day weekend just might be a paint project weekend.

Family.  I have a great family.  I just wish they, or someone, was there for me during the hard times.  They are silent on the hard times.  If there isn’t an action to be taken, there is nothing but silence.  It makes me want to be silent too.  There are plenty of people around for the fun.  Who is there when life is hard?  I wish I knew.

My home.  I know I have a beautiful home.  Still wish I could make it better.  I want to find the right paint color.  I want to replace the pantry door.  I want to put in a new counter top and back splash.  I want a new kitchen table and light fixtures.  I want to put in hardwood floors.  The problem is I don’t have the time or seemingly the style to do it.

Weight.  I’m fat, out of shape, and not getting any better.  I don’t know what to do.

I feel nausea and I’m crying because as hard as I try, it doesn’t get better.  And no one sees how hard this is.  They just keep asking me for things and I can’t take giving any more.  They get to go home to someone and I sit here alone.

weight and weight and weight

March 16, 2009

I don’t know what the deal is, but I can’t seem to get this weight loss thing together!  I just needed to say that.  I know what to do and yet I don’t do it.

*sigh*

Well, today has started well.  Lunch will probably blow it.  Argh.  I should be positive though.  Instead I’ll say at lunch I will enjoy the company and have a reasonable meal.  This week, I will get this weight loss train rolling.