finally

fb2 finally did what all men do. He made it clear this wasn’t becoming a relationship. Last night while on the phone he tells me he is at the same place with other women, maybe even more so since they are there. He also said or implied that visiting me was a fun trip. He said he wants to see what we might have for a more long term relationship, but at the moment he isn’t thinking of that only with me or maybe even in general as he’s never been one to be in settled down.

I guess he’s a man after all, *sigh*. It’s funny how men have all the choices. We are just clothes they try on to see if it’s a good fit. Some of us are weekend wear. Some are good for an afternoon. I guess since people get married, some of us are investment pieces. At this point, I am apparently just something he’s trying on.

On one hand I’m tired because after all this time, I still don’t get why men can’t see a woman as something special and not as an option. On the other hand, I understand. We are very much in a beginning stage and should both be evaluating – unfortunately, I’m evaluating for a long term picture and he may just be evaluating for an occasional weekend fling.

So now what do I do? I didn’t cancel our plans for him to come out for a long weekend, but I can’t see us being romantic now without reservation. I told him what I wanted/needed, but how do I act so not to contradict that? How do I leave the door open to something that seems very positive without setting myself up for failure? It’s like we all know this is a ‘competition’ of sorts, but how do you compete with women who are there and the male mindset?

I guess I’m just thankful I entered this relationship the way I did – open, honest, completely me, and direct. Now I just have to keep living life here and keep him where he has me – as an entertaining option. It’s amazing how many men sing my virtues, but not a damn one thinks I’m special enough to do something to truly have me or to keep me. fb2 showed me last night that for the seven, almost eight months of phone calls, texts, affection, and visits – he sees me as ‘nice’, not ‘special’, different and with attributes he finds special, but his desire to date is more important than his ability to hold on to me. I need special. He’s more concerned about getting in trouble with me and thus getting embarrased than in pursuing me to make sure I don’t get away. Wow.

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2 Comments on “finally”

  1. The Planner Says:

    First, I am so sorry. It is understandable, as you say, that he would have other people in his life since it’s long distance and new.

    But, here’s the thing, what he says is — and is not — true. He puts a lot of time in with you, but you’ve not yet spent time together. Thinking of him as an entertaining option, with whom you might have something when you’re together, seems like the best move.

    Men lie, mostly to themselves. It’s often more important to look at their actions. He calls, he is present, he is involved, and he thinks you are special.

    Having some reserve is wise until you see how he is and how you relate, but don’t discount what you know from how he has acted with you thus far.

  2. TwentyTwo Says:

    Thanks for the advice. It helps alot. I’m still processing our conversation.


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