i can’t do it.

I can’t do a long distance relationship.  I have no faith that God has brought me and fb2 together for something meaningful.  I know it’s wrong not to have faith, but I don’t.  Life just hasn’t worked that way for me.  People don’t stay in my life and men don’t work to have relationships with women they can’t touch.

I asked a friend of mine for advice who married someone he met online.  They were long distance the entire duration of their relationship, up to the actual marriage.  He said it took trust, maturity, understanding and prayer.

I’m going to wait until we have our visit, but I am very clear that I have to close my heart to this if we aren’t moving in a more serious direction.  I don’t have the stomach for uncertainty, especially at a distance.

I’m going to work on my faith.  I’ll wait and see what fb2 brings to the table.  He’s brought alot so far.  Seven months of greatness.  Now the crossroad is what does it mean?

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3 Comments on “i can’t do it.”

  1. Thkchk Says:

    I just played catch-up and I sooooo know this story. I was there 14 years ago. The uncertainty, the anticipation and the reality. You’re on the right track by following your brain because sometimes the “heart” doesn’t see clearly

  2. The Planner Says:

    I am loath to say this, but I was just listening to Angie Stone’s Everyday and it reminded me of you. In my view of the song, she’s strong and independent, and looking back, as she sings “Why is it that I’m buggin’, now that I’ve got everything?”

    Ignoring the 90s slang, you have everything already. If fb2 can meet you on your terms and be a good man in your life, great, but the fact is you’re already who you need to be for a great guy to fall for you. The only element missing: your believing that it’s true.

    You’ve come so far to being exactly who you need to be to have the life you want.

    As the now (hopefully) formerly depressed girl on the next blog, I can tell you honestly that you have been making so much progress and sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of that. From your decor project to your hair (the updates about which I love) to your revised nutrition, you are completely in control.

    Whether he’s the right guy remains to be seen, but by opening yourself up and engaging, you’re putting yourself in the best possible position to find the right guy, be he fb2 or someone else.

  3. TwentyTwo Says:

    @ The Planner – thanks for the reminder to not lose sight of how far I’ve come. I’d hoped to avoid any male interaction this year. I needed to shore myself up before getting involved with anyone. fb2 kind of messed that up, but he does provide an opportunity for me to grow in this area as well. I have to keep in mind it isn’t about him. It’s about me. I have to have faith that there is someone out there for me and it isn’t my job to find him.

    @ Thkchk – Sometimes I over think and analyze. I hope one day I can blend being logical with taking a chance on a sound investment. Time will tell if fb2 is a sound investment. Until then, I just have to keep living a great life and loving me.

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