this is something real

Well, BF and I have survived our first issue.  I can’t say it’s a disagreement or fight because we are on the same page.  It feels more like a growing pain, which is good in my book because that means we’re getting deeper.

We talked last night, as our rule of thumb with each other is that we talk and are honest with each other.  It was good communication.  It is nice we can debate and open ourselves up without either of us being petty or unfair…with both of us always confirming we want to be together.  In fact last night I think I almost got an ‘I love you’, lol.  I was about to hang up after we’d decide to meet up today when he said my name, then paused for a really long time.  He finally said, “____, I’ve really fallen for you.”

I don’t remember what I said in return.  Probably not much since I was mentally processing everything, but if nothing more, this dust up has allowed me to see what he really feels for me.  It’s also exposing what I feel for him.  After running across so many losers (lol), I know I don’t give in to the thrill of meeting someone new.  I just have a wait and see attitude.  Being at a fork in the road where either of us could walk away or we could push through makes me look internally to see what this is to me.

So what is it?  It’s security, fun, love, solid, precious…all the things I could ever dream of it being.  It will be amazingly deep if we allow it to be.  So how do we move over this hump?  We talk, we ask questions, we allow each other to be ourselves while evolving and growing to be even better because of each other. 

He asked me if I wanted to take a break.  I just want to see him.  Taking a break would be the end for me.  It wouldn’t be working through it, it would be walking away and avoiding it.  Tonight I just want to hug him and sit and perhaps reintroduce ourselves to each other with the knowledge that this is something real.

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