it’s not easy being green

And it’s not easy being in a relationship, even when you’re dating the most perfect man.

BF and I are celebrating 4 months together this weekend!  It’s such a short little time, but still important.  There is something there that feels so permanent and so good.  That’s what makes it hard sometimes.

I’m scared.  I’m so scared of giving him my heart and having him change his mind.  This is my secret little fear.  I look at him and he’s so ‘there’ that I just wish I could read his mind.  I’m afraid he’ll get bored.  I’m afraid he’ll decide he isn’t ready.  Ack!  The fear!

We were talking about his friends and their relationships last night and the foolishness they were engaged in was just scary.  I asked him what does he say about his girl (me, lol) to them and he said, “Nothing, I’m happy.” 

I hope so because I’m not the subservient, perfect, cook dinner every night, perfect behavior, always on kinda girl.  I am the love him and be faithful and raise his children well and help pay the bills and be a good companion and have fun and be moody, but not PMSsy, often overweight, currently with a bad haircut kind.  I guess I’ll counter my fears that my kinda girl is his kind and do what I do best – me.

Some days there will be coffee in the morning.  Some days there will be breakfast and lunch too.  The house will always be at least 90% clean and I’ll always be where I say I am, doing what I say I’m doing.  Hopefully that will keep him saying he’s happy, keep him coming over to see me no matter how tired or busy he is, keep him turned on, keep him kissing and hugging just little old, one of a kind me.

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