how to have everything…and then some

As I marvel at my current state of affairs, I also feel a sense of confidence and entitlement.  I can honestly say at this moment in time I have it all, and I make no apologies or excuses for it.  I deserve every bit of it.

I’ve always been the girl who wasn’t quite skinny enough, even when I was skinny I didn’t feel I was.  I was never the fastest with the boys or the coolest, even as I always seemed to be in the clique.  I never had the best wardrobe and was probably a great candidate for nerddom if it wasn’t for my attitude which just didn’t care to fit in to begin with.

I’ve always been a girl on my own path.  I was friends with who I wanted to be friends with.  I wore what I wanted to wear.  I followed the foundation laid out by my parents, even when they weren’t around.

So I  went to school, didn’t drink, spent my money wisely, and lived life the way I was raised to in the church.  That didn’t stop me from going to the parties, kicking it with the cool kids (lol), or having a hell of a time living life.  I just did it my way.

As I got older, I started to wonder whether I’d done things right.  I was entering my 30s, still perpetually single, while dating.  I always had a man’s interest, but they never really had mine.  I always knew the ones that were going to be temporary and just enjoyed the friendship and fun.  Some I thought were going to be around for awhile, but I still knew they didn’t meet the standards I knew were meant for me.

See I have good relationship examples.  My parents are awesome.  They are friends who allow each other to grow while loving and living a lifetime commitment to one another.  I knew what I need to find and never really felt the need to compromise.

And so I turn 35.  And although I’d been talking to two great guys over the past few months (not at the same time, lol), I still knew I hadn’t met the one. 

Then came BF.

And he validated everything I ever knew (and didn’t know, but had my Mom to remind me)…I am meant to find love. 

Now the question is why?  Because I’m sure I’ve written on this subject before, but I don’t think I’ve ever talked about why BF and I work well together.

Primarily we work well together because we have the same family background and belief system.

I believe in the traditional roles of men and women – not the sexist roles, but the idea that men and women support one another in a way that is unique to each gender.  For example, know your man.  Love him as he is.  Support him.  And allow him to do the same for you.  Men have needs that are unique to them.  I give BF that.  I don’t need to be the man in the relationship.

However, I am the woman.  I learned how to be that very well from my Mom.  I don’t have to be loud or demanding.  I don’t have to ask.  I just have to love and support.  If a man wants to be with me, he’ll do everything he can to do so, and BF does.

What else?  Well, I’ve worked on me over the years.  I have taken the time to learn from my relationships, to observe successful relationships, to know myself, and to find my own strength to expect what is best for me at all times.  BF knows that while I don’t ask for a thing, I always expect his respect and care.  I told him many times when we were first dating, that the only thing he had to do was take good care of me.  Whatever his version of that is, is for me to decided is good enough.   He’s never failed me yet.

So, I have it all at this moment in time because I am blessed.  God created this and we both believe in his guidance for our relationship.   We also recognize we must give to our relationship – trust, time, commitment, support, love…all those things are our active tasks.  I recognize my role – I cook for him, I provide a place of peace for him, I support him by doing things that are important to him like spending time with his family, I take care of him, I respect him, I love him through action.  He also believes firmly in his role.  He always takes care of me, if he eats, I eat.  I am his first consideration.  He protects me.  He cares for me.  And as he puts it, he works to be my best friend.

So, in the end, there is no big secret to it.  I’m still the same overweight woman I’ve always been.  I still haven’t perfected life.  But I have gotten to know myself and found my foundation.  That is what attracted BF to me…and what attracts me to him.  Even the best looking, richest man has needs to be met, as does his female counterpart.  Meeting those needs in a person, from a place of honesty, creates a very powerful bond.  There is nothing better in the world than someone volunteering to be on your team and playing their heart out for you.

Whether BF and I make it to marriage or not, I know he is the one. We both have areas to grow in, but I have yet to meet someone I’d rather grow with than him.

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